& my world will be coloured.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Genuine

Today marks the start of a new phase for those in JCs. It also got me thinking about those who got posted to the JCs. Wanting a gathering nowadays is so difficult, due to inefficiency and unorganized planning. So listen up, I CAN TAKE LEAVE AS LONG AS YOU TELL ME 2 DAYS BEFORE SO THAT MY MANAGER CAN FIND PEOPLE TO TAKE OVER ME. Don't always come up with last minute decisions with no details that i can't agree to.

*Breathes out*

Now that I've gotten it out of my system, feeling much better.:D

(Ruby) ♥ 1/27/2011 11:06:00 AM

Monday, January 24, 2011

Perplexed

Way too long since I've last posted. About 8 months. Looking back, it's been a hectic and packed 8 months and counting. Heck, it's been a hectic past year, dealing with PB, CB, the BIG Os, friends and family. The lethargy coming down is so overwhelming that it's getting difficult to breathe.

I did some spring cleaning the other day and found a box which I'd used to keep notes from friends, teachers and mentors. Every single time I picked up a note and read through it, I guess I do feel that so and so has been impacted by me some way or another. And then I ask myself, Was I a positive influence? What impression did I give? Then I think back to the specific events of the past year. Some of which I'm not too proud of/quite embarrassed by, some of which made me really angry and of course those that brought happiness to my life. The people who were involved in all these different happenings. I think further and realised I may have been living behind a facade all this time, saying something but doing something else instead. Even in front of people whom I address as "my closest friends".

Then another question pops into my mind, Who are my closest friends? What do I define as a close friend? Someone that understands me completely, always there for me when I need her? Or someone that won't complain even when I call her up in the middle of the night to complain about insomnia even if she has been in lalaland for the past 2 hours having the greatest dream ever? Do I have such friends? Happenings of the past year proves me wrong for some of those "close friends" of mine. Have I been a great friend to them? I did put my best effort in being their friend so I can say that I have, I guess...

Talking about effort put in, studies was another huge hurdle that I had to overcome. My mind was always filled with the up and coming Os but at 4 months to the big exam I was still watcing dramas.(bad) At the final lap after the Prelims I would say that I did put in effort but was it enough? I don't know. But did I reap what I sow? I guess. 3A1s in EL, E Math and Chinese, 6B3s in A Math, HCL, Combined Humanities, Biology, Chemistry, Physics. Was that considered good? I really have no clue. Many would say "Having an L1R5 of 12 and ELR2B2 of 9 is SO good. Go for JC lah."

And then they ask, "Where do you intend to go?"
"Ngee Ann Poly."
"Why you so silly? just go JC lah."
Talk about breaking the stereotypes of polytechnics. Every single time I hear such comments, I feel as if I've disappointed yet one other person. But did I really? It's just so hard to live up to everyone's expectations. I think I've somehow lost my sense of direction already. I don't really have any goal to work towards. Is going to poly really such an embarrassment? I don't think so. Will I do well in poly? I'll do my best. I may not become the top student but I believe that I can do well if i put my mind to it. Hopefully, that would get me somewhere in this stiffling world of expectations and certifications.

(Ruby) ♥ 1/24/2011 08:31:00 PM