| hello. the long awaited results are out. my sis went to open the letterbox today and got the letter. the reult of the appeal?---unsucessful. i cried real badly before my physiotherapy session at KKH today. i was thinking about what i had done wrong and whether or not i deserved this outcome. the letter just stated that there are no more vacancies. did that mean that if there were more vacancies i would have got in? was it because my resuls just wasn't good enough? i seem to have got over it on the outside but my heart is still tearing on the inside. being separated from jas chun hsin and iris. but still... it was because i had not met my own expectations of myself getting into the class. i thought i had stood a chance. but i just didn't. wth. why am i even pondering over such stuff for. my mum suggested a re-appeal after she'd seen me so sad but i was thinking about whether a re-appeal would even make a difference. since this was the road that was given to me, why not just walk down it with a smile on my face showing this world i was alright but not so on the inside. it's not like i'm alone there. i still have friends like gracious, vivian, meixi, priscilla, melodi, elvina and more. i just won't be in the same class as those whom i was closer to. no offecne to the rest. i'm still trying self-consolation. thoughts in my head that are superficial to what i really feel. thoughts like 'so what if i didn't get into 3A1? i'm still gonna do well.' but does self-consolation really work? i dunno. but i have to keep trying. i'm still pressing on for i have no idea what. can someone just gimme a sign or something. for me to wake up from this dream where wishes can come true cos i know that in reality, such things can never happen... |
