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| Wednesday, May 13, 2009 |
i didn't even post on my birthday. thanks to those who remembered my birthday and wished me. i have pics but lazy to upload. common tests have ended like yesterday. but i don't feel the joy of freedom after CTs. it's like it doesn't really mean anything. this year has been quite mundane and i've been questioning myself a lot more lately. maybe it's because of my very influential partner:D or maybe it's just because a lot has happened and i have been reflecting on those a lot too. i've asked myself why i don't have the freedom others have. is it because i'm not contented with what i have? or is this just the life i've been fated to live. i've been having this premonition as well that my back problem will become very serious and i would become paralysed from waist down. will this ever happen? i don't know. i just don't have a good feeling about it. after common test i have been coaching my sis in her work. i really wonder if all i do is being recognised and whether i would be affirmed. i spent time coaching her and explaining to her. but today, she wanted to watch tv. i just wanted her to focus so i tried to switch it off. but all i got from her was a kick in the stomach and hatred from her. was all the effort that i put in worth it? i don't even get the due respect that i deserve as an older sister. mummy is also having higher expectations of me. i feel like i'm about to break down any time. i don't know if i am able to keep up with all that is happening. everybody has expectations of me; teachers, friends, parents, siblings. what if i let them down? they'll all be disappointed with me. can anybody just spare me this torture and just let me sleep my life away in my own little world? |
| (Ruby) ♥ 5/13/2009 10:20:00 PM |
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