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| Friday, November 6, 2009 |
Coping with school life and people's expectations of me. Which reminds me of what Amanda told me over a conversation a while back. I can't remember the exact words she used but she was telling me about marks being the most important but whether we would work hard after that. I realised that however that may be, it's very difficult to really accomplish that. Because of this practical and realistic society, everyone's just so caught up in achievements and accolades and they would forget the really important things in life. After getting back my results recently, I realised how little effort I have put in and how my attitude towards school has changed over time. When having the teacher-pupil conferencing a few days back, Mrs C asked me a few questions that really stumped me. She asked, "How do you recharge yourself when you are stressed?" and "How do you feel towards school/ coming to school now compared to the past?" I haven't really thought about those things and when those questions were thrown to me, I really didn't know how to answer her. I guess I don't really feel that passion towards school that I had when I was younger. I just kinda feel very tired about everything and wish that everything would just stop for a moment for me to catch a breather. Looking at my results made me reflect about what I should do this holiday instead of playing. I feel so broken down after knowing all the holiday assignments and how much time I have left before next year's O levels. It really scares me, the way time flies by so fast. I feel like I won't have enough energy by the time O levels really come. I really think I should thank all those around me like my family, Chun, Vivian, Jas, Iris, Theng Hiang, Wye Syn, Gracious, Yee Tin, Ying Jia, Amanda, Leong, Janelle, Wei Qin, Bi Hui, 3A1, all my close friends and of course all teachers who have taught me. Without all of you, I'd probably wouldn't press on until today and would probably have given up halfway. Thanks to- Wye Syn: For creating ATP and giving me the best memories of my teenage life. Chun: For being there for me when I needed it and just being your sotong self. Vivian: For being so funny and being there to encourage me. Jas: For being the best class buddy ever! and for listening to me complain. Iris: For being the one who brings nice food during potluck. Theng Hiang: For being the math genius you are. Gracious: For being so joyful and loving JAM! Yee Tin: For being the most adorable bear and being good in your academics to help poor me. YingJia: For being that funny and 'ruby's-house-food-loving-friend'. Amanda: For telling me lame jokes and having lame jokes competition with me. Leong: For being the best EL partner anyone could ever have and being there to listen to me. Janelle: For trusting me and letting me be your listening ear. Wei Qin: For being the only one who learns taekwondo with a sister in the same class as mine. Bi Hui: For being the cute little friend :D Thanks to you all for being there for me. I'll treasure you always! |
| (Ruby) ♥ 11/06/2009 10:00:00 PM |
| Monday, October 5, 2009 |
looking back, the whole year had its ups and downs. this year wasn't really what i expected it to be. many things didn't go the way i wanted it to. like my results and pb stuff too. but i think they were blessings in disguises. not getting in the exco did give me more time to study and not achieving good results did wake me up and make me work harder to achieve better grades. hopefully they will really be blessings in the future. looking ahead, next year will hopefully be better but would definitely be busier and more stressful, seeing that there is o levels next year. i really wish for my grades to go up but it seems so difficult. oh well, what to do? i have to just admit fate. |
| (Ruby) ♥ 10/05/2009 02:27:00 PM |
| Sunday, August 23, 2009 |
i've been having this internal unrest. i dunno how long it has been and when it started but you caused it and you know who you are. if it was me who made you like that i'm sorry but don't give that attitude to the rest. i hate it when you do that. i may not be in the position to say this but i really don't like the way you ignore our existence. you treat everyone else like we are inferior to you when we're not. so i advise you to stop it cos i bet you don't feel any better inside. and with you going on like that i'd rather we disband. one last word of advise: we can always go back to the past as long as you just STOP your stupid attitude |
| (Ruby) ♥ 8/23/2009 07:06:00 PM |
| Sunday, May 31, 2009 |
i feel like i've disappointed lots of people. Teachers, friends and of course family. everybody's expectations of me just gets higher and higher. sometimes i feel like if i just didn't do well since young maybe they won't expect that much. or maybe if i wasn't as intellectually capable as i was or am now. Not that i'm that smart anyways. i just can't face up to the disappointment. yes, i'm soaking in my misery. but nobody knows that. i'm sick and tired of everybody telling me "ruby, why are your grades slipping so much? i expected better results. maybe being in the prefectorial board is taking up too much of your time. maybe you should quit the board." i don't want to quit the board. it has given me opportunities to lead and serve the school. i had fun there. i really don't want to quit. the most i'll just not join the exco interview or something. if i've disappointed you, i'm sorry. i promise to work hard and do my best to achieve better results next term. i just haven't seen the light yet. i'm just not as smart as others and i need more time to see what others see in an instant. i can't really do anything about me being slow. it's just the way i am. i can't help it that people in my class are so much smarter than me. maybe i really shouldn't have appealed into this class. maybe it wasn't really necessary for me to have appealed in. if i didn't appeal, maybe i would have done better in my previous class. i really feel the stress kicking in. i don't know if i can cope. nobody is helping me with my weaker subjects besides wye syn. but you can't possibly be helping me 24/7. i don't know if anybody at home can help me with any of my subjects besides the languages. i don't know what to do. just this hols alone i have about 24 pieces of homework. every single subject gives an average of 2 pieces of homework each. mum banned me from watching boys over flowers and banned me from listening to music when doing work. i kinda have no form of entertainment at all now. the only time i can watch tv is when mummy's around. listen to music when i go out. i don't even think they would allow me to go out this june hols. most probably miss wye syn's concert if i don't manage to persuade daddy to let me go. hope everything goes well tomorrow. |
| (Ruby) ♥ 5/31/2009 12:38:00 PM |
| Wednesday, May 13, 2009 |
i didn't even post on my birthday. thanks to those who remembered my birthday and wished me. i have pics but lazy to upload. common tests have ended like yesterday. but i don't feel the joy of freedom after CTs. it's like it doesn't really mean anything. this year has been quite mundane and i've been questioning myself a lot more lately. maybe it's because of my very influential partner:D or maybe it's just because a lot has happened and i have been reflecting on those a lot too. i've asked myself why i don't have the freedom others have. is it because i'm not contented with what i have? or is this just the life i've been fated to live. i've been having this premonition as well that my back problem will become very serious and i would become paralysed from waist down. will this ever happen? i don't know. i just don't have a good feeling about it. after common test i have been coaching my sis in her work. i really wonder if all i do is being recognised and whether i would be affirmed. i spent time coaching her and explaining to her. but today, she wanted to watch tv. i just wanted her to focus so i tried to switch it off. but all i got from her was a kick in the stomach and hatred from her. was all the effort that i put in worth it? i don't even get the due respect that i deserve as an older sister. mummy is also having higher expectations of me. i feel like i'm about to break down any time. i don't know if i am able to keep up with all that is happening. everybody has expectations of me; teachers, friends, parents, siblings. what if i let them down? they'll all be disappointed with me. can anybody just spare me this torture and just let me sleep my life away in my own little world? |
| (Ruby) ♥ 5/13/2009 10:20:00 PM |
| Friday, March 20, 2009 |
in m'sia, ties were bonded and strengthened with my cousins as well, such as: ying hui, wei hong, aidan, adrielle, cristy, trisha, shana, and my 2 older cousins.had my first archery and snooker session. played bowling and went karaoke-ing too. real fun. gtg already. byes |
| (Ruby) ♥ 3/20/2009 10:05:00 PM |
| Sunday, March 8, 2009 |
| (Ruby) ♥ 3/08/2009 11:55:00 AM |
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